the colours of life. (:

okay. today, went out with ju to find job. from chong pang to causeway and then back to chong pang. real tired! for short hours, already tired. okay. gtg. taa!




I'M LETHARGIC AND DEPRESSED AND WORRIED AND LALALALALA.


toodles.

life. something that we have to go through. be it ups or downs. at times, its not wrong to face Him when you're down. sometimes you do the same thing but hide it and didn't even realise. don't always try to own your triumph. one moment you will fail. hmm. anywaaaayyyy!


LEFT ONE PAPER ONLY!
tomorrow only. yay? hmm. then,.. party! woohoo!

okay., time's up. taaa! lazy to put up a long compo today.

I MISS MY BESTFRIEND! A LOT.

toodles~

PRELIMS OVER.

YAY! :D

BUTTT!..

'O' LEVEL IS LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY!

HARD REVISION NOW. I WILL THANK ALLAH IF MIRACLES HAPPEN TO ME ON EVERY DAYS.

HAIZ. can't go on any longer.

taas.

'O' LEVEL IS LIKE AROUND ONE MONTH AWAY. NO TIME. NOW IS HOLIDAY. PRELIMS CONTINUE AFTER HOLIDAYS. HARI RAYA IS LIKE NEXT WEEK. LIFE GONNA BE MUNDANE FROM NOW ON. NO WAY OUT UNTIL I PUT IN ALL MY ELBOW GREASE TO OVERCOME THAT LONG, THICK, HARD, TALL, BIG BARRIER TO MY ONE AND FINAL LAP. HMM. LIKEWISE, MRS OW SAID ONCE '' ITS HARMLESS TO START REVISION EARLY. '' TRUE! BUT, THE ONLY THING IS OUR DAMN LAZINESS WHICH WAS GENERALLY DIFFICULT TO DUMP IT SOMEWHERE. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?! HAHA. WHATEVER!  FURTHERMORE, WE KEPT THINKING THAT EXAM IS STILL LONG YET TO GO. HAHA. I AM TALKING DAMN SHIT. OUH. OKAY NOTHING TO SAY. OUH YAA! I WISHED MY 'N' LEVEL FRIENDS' ALL THE BEST FOR THEIR EXAM. IT WAS THEIRS, YET, I WAS DAMN NERVOUS. THANKS AR MIRUL. HAHA. OOOPS! I JUST REMEMBERED! YOU TOLD ME NOT TO PLAY COMPUTER ALWAYS. SHIT. I DIDN'T DO AS WHAT YOU ADVISED ME TOO. DAMN. DAMN. DAMN. AYU IS SO GONNA BE PARANOID SOOOON. MY BROTHER IS RIGHT BESIDE ME. THERE IS SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON. HE TILT HIS SCREEN AWAY FROM ME TAU. OOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HAHAA! SIOW! OKAYLAA. I'M TIRED. WANNA CHAT WITH FIFI. NOTHING MUCH TO TALK. AND SO, BYE! TAA. TOODLES. NIGHTS! :D:D:D

after for so long, i get to type again. haha. hello. anyway, my post title says it all. i am under pressure for exams as well as revision. i bet the rest of sec 4s and 5s do too. haiz. who doesn't? and yaa, i don't know what to say. ouh. puasa-ing again. after six days unable to. haha. random. and ouh, ouh yaa! hari raya is coming on the reopen of school's week. wow. soooo fast. i wished i had fast full! damn. haha. more, exams are dragged like for the whole month? and we left about less than 50 days to 'O' level! shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. argh! SHIT! i am trying my very best to start revision but its not intensive enough! i know about it but my laziness keeps overtaking me and everytime, i yawn as i revise. haiz. i gotta to beef up. i cannot just tell myself that. hey, action speaks louder than word. hmm. i am sooo dead! ouh. this year, ain't a best year to celebrate hari raya. firstly, no proper home shell. second, that damn major exam. third, i am not in the mood to raya but puasa. haha. maybe? if can, wanna pay back 34 days this year. haha. if not, next year. haiz. i should have pay back long ago. madam rafidah said, if we never pay back our owed fasting days, we cannot go mecca. :(. sad liao. haha. i kept remindig to people, especially guys, about it. they officially do not have any valid excuses not to fast. idiots. if possible, ladies want to be fully fast-ed. and kids, please fast laa. those kids at home really irritate me. fcuk off laa ehk with their attitude. inquisitive but annoying. know something, keep them shut laa. alaamak. patience ayu. patience. no wonder i dislike kids. haha. haiyo. i will surely like my own. duhh! haiyo. ouh yaa! talking about kids, there's this guy kept miscalling me, trying to make friends with me. i know him. mus & crouch 's warning: BE CAREFUL WITH HIM. YOU CAN BE FRIENDS WITH HIM BUT NOT TOO CLOSE. and, i must that i will not fal into his trap. - must be bad yaa? yup. haiyo. he might just end me up in somewhere unwanted, at my age. you guys know what i mean right? good if you do. i'm kind but hey, when i am told to be very careful i have too. they know him better. crouch, he is not gonna be my first husband and i won't tell you whether its a girl or a boy unless i'm married - which is a few years down the road. haha. grosss. euw. thanks ehk?! haha. hmm. i do not know what to say more. i think now and a few days during the holidays are the best moments for me to rest. hmm. yup. yup. really.

ouh, all the best to friends taking 'N' level this coming week and the rest of the days. may you people succeed! :D:D:D

next, for my friends taking 'O' level, as well as myself, i wish all the very best and the bestest to our major exams! we must study studiously, do our work painstakingly and hopefully, we shall have rapturous times when we get our results. hopefully! and may we all together get blue slip results! really, really! haiz. i really wish. hmm. must not swing white cloth now. after 11 november, can. haha! we surely can! i really hope. ouh allah, please answer my prayers. only you know how i feel for this exam.

okay guys. toodles now. nighty nights. (:

HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY DAD!









:DDDDD  heeeeee! [ 16.08.09 ]

sadly, my post title says it all. i think everything is stepping away. wait. why do i always have to type about my emo life? does this mean that i always have a sad side where in me, downs and out of me, happiness? please. i am sick and tired of this. exam is like one whole month, including the holidays. why not? we will still be busy preparing for exams. haiz. its like a vast, heavy stone is glued to my head. i cannot think properly and i can feel the heat this time. gosh. ouh allah, help me. i need you. why at the hard times in life, i'm asking for allah's help? why not everytime i pray to him and thank him for everything he had and has for me? plus the obstacles in life? haiyo, ayu. being too depressed just made me to feel really down for no reason and being gibberish. what the hell am i talking about? okay. stop. here it goes.

friends, sorry if i happened to hurt you in any manner. be it i didn't talk to you or care about you. i'm really sorry. to bestfriend, sorry because i know, both of us are busy. our copious contacts seem to be less now. i understand. okay. whatever. i absolutely have no mood. haiz. anyway, i think its time to buck up on my studies. DO IT ONCE, DO IT WELL! i must! ouh man. haiz. i shall list down the exam dates now.

AUGUST.
17th - maths mock prelim
18th - english mock prelim
19th - malay O results
20th - science [ physics/chemistry ] mock prelim
21th - humanities mock prelim
24th - O level oral
25th - english mock prelim
27th - science [ physics/chemistry ] mock practical

wait! i cannot remember my september prelim exams. haha. however, i am pretty sick in mind and everywhere and all. i miss my friend. aww. thanks ehk! haha. i can't help it. i don't know what to say. haiyo. okay. enough. i just miss that friend A LOT! GET THAT?! haiz. :(((
nevermind people. i better off now. i am done talking about unpleasant things in life. goodbye people.

BONUS QUESTION: i never wish to die now or at young age. allah please give me time to come back the right path. but what if you and you lose me? will there be smiles or tears? woah. TOUCH WOOD! ayu has really gone emo to the core. haha. taa peeps. i shall see you when i see you. taa! :). haiz. :(

alright. this person i wanna talk about is different from my best girlfriends. obviously. this is my best boyfriend. his friends - my close friends. okay, friends, actually, it has already been a year since we know each other. i am surprised to see that you guys attacked me with questions ''you like him ar? or are you and him together?'' NO. he definitely has one girlfriend for himself and i respect that. we share, care and love each other - as in friends? okay. clear doubts. walk, talk and flirt with him - i don't mind. my comfort is there. it doesn't mean i failed over his friend, i go to him. NO! haha. siow. and yaa. everytime, i go to him, many expressions were delivered to me. gosh. actually, i have been wanting to walk and talk with him since last year. but, i afraid that, i might just steal him from my friends. i am really sorry. no offense. really. i was really guilty. so, i think it is not wrong to actually be friends with your friends' friends. it doesn't mean if its your friend, there's your name kan? haha. sorry. a little bit harsh. never point to anyone. okay. back to him. he is like my real boyfriend but not the first. i'm taken by taufik batisah ar. haha. omg! huahuahua! okay. soo far, what i know about him. hmm.

he is a good companion. a joker that will make you laugh. irritating sometimes. maybe all the time. haha! jk bro. okay. no offense, he's harsh. haha. note: the song your call - secondhand serenade, always remind me of him because he sang to me before and so he recommended it to me. haha. sweet but better save all lovy songs for your girl. i know you have already done it. AND HE OWES ME CHOCOLATE! haha. never ask for it. a trade in gift for one year anniversary for being friends to bestfriend - since 13 july 2008. :D ayu remembers the date. haha. hey. i can hardly talk this kind of thingy. really.

i don't flirt with him. i walk, talk or stand beside him, doesn't mean he is my guy. like i said, among guys, my comfort is there, at him. among girls, all of them i have the comfort! it doesn't mean i have best boyfriend and my best girlfriends leave me. please don't. really. i don't forget you guys. i never had boybestfriend before. why can't i now? this world is big but making friends, its a small world. anyone who is your friend can be someone whom you are related to another friend. stating the fact. defensive, maybe? i ain't go mad over this silly guy. haha. trust me, he is my random topic. i ain't talking bad about him. haha. just wanna talk about having bestfriends.

yaa! which is better? boybestfriend or girlbestfriend? my answer: BOTH.
based on my experience, boybestfriend: okay. a place to have a ''2nd boyfriend'' haha. share info and we exchange. he taught me to be open. haha. i can handle it. but, if let's say something he said make you embarrassing, damn! you will be total red. haha. and, not only that.. they can be irritating, annoying. but fun to talk with and a place where can easily laugh. which guy won't make people laugh with his jokes? unless.. okay. shh.

next, girlbestfriend: a place to share everything! inside and out. fun! fun! fun! but, sometimes, some misunderstandings over friends will bring down the relationship. sadly, it might break. *touch wood*! MY WIRES ARE STILL CONNECTED TO THEM AND THE CURRENT STILL RUNNING. - still going strong. too much physics. haha. enough. till here. wanna explore. taa! nights! LOVE MY BEST BOYGIRLGAYLESFRIENDS! muacks! :D:D:D:D

the title for this post is like i have been longing to face a computer and blog. ah! and.. waalaa! finally! hahaha! happy liao. okay. what should i start first? hmm. ouh yes! friday. nightmare for me. no thursday. okay. start.

THURSDAY & FRIDAY MATTER.

on that thursday morning, i woke up from sleep, my throat felt bad and i knew it was not good. i went to school as usual. then, that morning in class, it gets worse. eyes felt warm. however, i was fine the whole day. then, back from school, gets much worse. i felt warmer and intended to take temperature. 38.3 degrees. damn. i was like trying to practise my oral stuffs and everyone came. it was really smothering with different height of kids standing all over my directions. haiyo.  as i was sick, i didn't really talk a lot to people because i can't afford to talk. very weak! okay. so, i blanket myself and my brother's girlfriend gave me panadols to eat. i thought it got better. so, i practised oral and talk to myself. * its a practise. i'm not the only one. mrs raj did that too. * :D after all that, packed up and slept at around 11pm. at 12pm, was waken up to take medicine and back to sleep. friday morning, 6.45am: - fire in me. i felt very warm but no flu, cough. only fever. [actually i have been wanted that kind of fever since long time and i got it during this H1N1 perod. wrong time! why? because i do not want to go home even if i'm sick!] still, i went off to school. i looked fine. perfectly fine but still burning as i walked. nobody wants to put off the fire on me. )): haha. stepped into class and saw couple pairs of eyes on me. and i began to.. ''woah. did i do anything wrong? ouh no. what?'' but actually, nothing. haha. i knew i had fever but still came school because i thought i would be fine. but, the same temperature from home - 39.1 degrees. haiz. when i saw that, i thought to myself.. ''should i report? but i do not want to go home! but i afraid this fever will spread! how?! argh!'' i stood for a few minutes. i had to let go my studies for the day and went home. i took my bag, my mates asked me, ''ayu where are you going?'' haiz. i was deeply sad. my heart sank. i could cry there. serious! almost. gosh. i waited outside class was like super hell! nobody appeared to fetch me! hello! sick girl here! haha. so, i stood and sat for a while and when i met mr tan, i told him. the 4e8's form teacher didn't believe. he said i don't look sick. agree! should have stay. i sat in the infirmary. wow. i should say that i wanna stay. or maybe i should report at 12pm. just 50 minutes left. no worries. haha! no,no ayu. danger. mum fetched me at 8.30am. i reached home, walked straight to bed, dozed off. never took medicine and didn't wanna go to doctor. my head was like super heavy. haiz. thought couldn't walk. when i woke up, everytime, it seemed like i was in the dream. serious. very bad. when i went to polyclinic, [was forced by dad] i felt as if i was walking in my sleep with eyes open and . i wondered if i could hear all doctor's question and thank god, never answered wrongly. haha. yadayadayada. i rest the whole day till sleep. then, morning woke up, went home. okay liao! but! then, struck with flu. weird. fever's gone then comes flu. and now, tummy problem. haiz. still cold. its season. end of my sick story. * haha! sick can express in a sentence, but i took a paragraph. huahua! * siow liao.

POST 1.

apparently, i was just struck with something that i really, really hate, to the core. damn. maybe affects others. well me too. partly, my property, whom i love all this time. when its fussed, i am always haunted. put it off! really. i have lost trust already. i have told my bestfriends about it. serious matter but! don't go too far. please laa. put outsiders away. i do not know what to do unless i know the base. maybe, it helps. yeah right, helps to even mistrust more. it would be better if i never knew it from the start. i don't know who and where to put my trust at. these eyes just wanna explode with tears. damn. two words. FUCK YOU! thanks ehk. a lot! shit mankind, friend. enough ayu. its futile. will never listen. hard to talk to people who seem to care their own rights and self! argh.

POST 2.

6th july. -

i went out with mustafa, amirul, crouch, syareez and ahmad to watch transformers, revenge of the fallen. FINALLY! that was my only purpose. i've been yearning to watch since 26 june! thank goodness. the story goes..

planned to meet mus first but he was late so, i went to meet the rest first at mrt. they were not there yet. but a few minutes later, they came by. amirul was shocked. he said to crouch, '' i thought you said she never come? ''. crouch shrugged his shoulder. haha. and amirul said, '' cheebye. '' haha. funny boy. technically, he's been childish. he was flabbergasted to see me in pink, standing and waiting. haha. ki-do. so, we waited for mus to come. i also, okay, quite bored. amirul's face was not good. haha. so i started, '' mirul, are you okay?'' he smiled and looked at the rest. siow guy. haha. i know what he meant. he hates my presence. so, after mus came, few minutes after, went off to somerset. we were lost when we got there. i saw some skaters' area. its bloody cool! love that. i'm homey girl. long time never hang out. haha. anyway, we walked the other side which was wrong direction. thanks to amirul who told to find california and whatever shit. haha. when mus found the word cathay, we walked the other way. and thanks, we found it. i was right at the front. they were so slow! gosh. i was looking forward to the movie only. plan - movie at 2pm but reached at 1pm. cool huh? okay. went up to cathay. my first. okay. we bought the tickets and i was silly, bought the popcorn and drink about 30 minutes before. mus and crouch laughed at me. idiots. then, waited till 2pm. i took a shot of the tickets and my solo featuring each of them. then, went in. we were lost and didn't know where was cinema 12. it was at level 9 while we were at level 6. haha. searched like hell. look. i got seat 6. okay. i sat there. our seats were 3 - 8. so, ahmad - seat 3. mus - seat 4. crouch - seat 5. me - seat 6. syareez - seat 7. amirul - seat 8. however, it was rearranged. amirul went to seat 2 and syareez went to seat 7. but, a couple came by saying that seats 2 and 1 were theirs. due to indistinct voice, syareez went to seat 1. haha. but, it was alright, the coulple sat beside me instead. gosh. i'm the last among them. i wanted to sit beside mus actually. anyway, i paid full attention to the movie. it was cool. but,part 1 better . i think? okay. after that, couldn't bear the coldness that i desperately need to go washroom. got up, a bit dizzy while holding my urge to peee! haha. went to the washroom and saw, a long queue. damn. don't know what to do. i saw a woman came out of the handicapper's washroom. it was obviously vacant. so, i went in. while doing my business, there a column of window panels that allow air to come in but apparenty allow people to see too! hope, they never saw! haha. then, we were starving. too many food outlets till don't know which to choose. so, we went to BK. before that, met douglas and crystal. crystal, you were crrrysstal hot. haha. i ain't a les okay. just a compliment. (: i ate only chocolate hershey sundae pie and a barley drink yet full and that was an issue to mus. gosh. i'm on diet! next, exit the place. i overheard amirul said to syareez that he looked like apek. haha. giggled for a moment. it was bad. but, syareez needs some improve though. however, cute! then, off to bugis. they wanna shop. walked with ahmad and syareez as mus walked with amirul while crouch, alone. i was alone all the time. at least, ahmad entertained me. he is okay. the rest? narrow-minded. its not wrong. haha. my plan, to save money. so, tagged behind them to find their shirts and bermudas. partly, we separated. i went with ahmad, mus with crouch and syareez with amirul. after all met, saw mus changed to a new top. haha. he felt better. but! that wasn't the time we head home. i saw a green skirt costs 10 bucks before. i thought of getting one for myself. never have one. so yeah, after all met. i said, '' okay, now all find for me a skirt! '' haha. actually, a payback time. they already have what they need. now, my turn. haha. one were hoping that we stop at the right shop by a few steps. but actually no. we went all around and up and down to search for my skirt. the other suggested a jeans skirt. but i prefer the other. so i stopped and asked them where is the shop. found another shop when we went down. but its another type. i still prefer the other one. so, we went back to where they got their bermudas and we walked again and finally, found the place. actually, searching for black. but there's none. there's green. nice. they said that i like green and so, take it. but, i was wondering for the top. they are great friends. they helped me suggest. aww. its good. its what they want to see in a girl or being at least elegant. haha. cute laa. so, i bought it on impulse. haha. mus terrified me by asking '' confirm? '' all the time. feel guilty if i never buy because they helped me and walked all around for that. i'm the only girl. nevermind. then, we went home. we took some shots at/in the mrt. it was fun laa till i forgot that the next day school. haha. i was listless and yaa! i love the skirt. well done. no regrets. haha. then, lights out! ---

POST 3.

today, bored. and not. the whole day in room. firstly, went out at 1.10pm to have brunch or lunch. then, chilled awhile. at 2.10pm, went up. plan - do homework. i did geography. a lot! okay. i did not attempt all questions though. haha. slept for 20 minutes while wildchild was running. then, rest awhile. continued with homework. i was totally bored, i watched step up 2. okay. never touched pen and paper. end at a round 7.15pm. switched on tv, watched making of harry potter and the half-blood prince. finished up work. at 7.45pm watched harry potter and the chamber of secrets part 1. at 9.30pm, went down. ate some light snacks. at 10pm, went up to continue with harry potter and the chamber of secrets part 2 till 11.45pm. then, 10 minutes later, ride bike to her! - cyber cafe. haha. have been longing to surf. okay. i guess, now is already 2.25am. late. end blog. surf more. toodles darlings. i miss my life, my cats, my moments and the friends and people i knew. taa. and yaa..
 
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ARINA AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY CIK MAN. (:

a few days more to go to school reopen. wow. its gonna be unlucky for me. i can feel it. haiz. why? because.. no reason for it unless, i say its all about the new things that i got. and also, i never contact with any of my friends since two weeks ago. i wanted to but i just can't help with the situation. actually, today i thought of going to singapore to catch a movie - transformers, revenge of the fallen. unfortunately, not. all of my savings have been used up for hair, bag and such. i still have horrors on my bag. it keeps me worried and i wish that my friends just don't laugh at me. i need to get hair accessories for myself. i wish everything is gonna be okay. but i just don't feel right about it. i have this feeling of burst into tears. something is bothering me. what could it be? hmm. wait. homework, all done except some questions that i don't know. i wish i am in singapore now. i wanted to clear my school stuffs. ouh mum, dad. must i always have to listen to you till i have to push away my needs and wants? woah. didn't mean to be really rude. i really don't. just couldn't decide for myself. like my dad said, be confident! he doesn't like when one isn't confident. true. i tried okay in everything. but, it turned out to be another disliking way. low self-esteem. brrr. i don't know what to do. i have to get things back into place and face the music. life. what can you tell abotu that? a lot. ups and downs. its a killer. sometimes, we beg things to end really fast while sometimes, we want it a little slower. hah. what can i say. i seem to enjoy blogging like this. seems a little like what americans always do. haha. i have been watching too much of wildchild. hah! its the best movie so far. about teenagers. and i won't really get bored watching it again and again. but, not every hour. haha. i wanna watch monsters vs aliens when i get back home later. haha. ouh yaa! i just got a fucking bruise on my leg. shit! it hit my brother's motorbike exhaust pipe which was extremely hot and burning. and i who is very stupid alighted at the pipe;s side, which was right. owowowow! pain. i couldn't help, i jumped around. haha. if i knew it, i wouldn't do that. i kept disappointing and think about it. haiz. now, i don't know how to heal it before school later. but, everything takes time. and people, if you see it, don't ask! you know about it. argh! i feel unlucky and.. i don't know. huuh. don't wanna talk about life laa. when i do, its all sullen. none were esthatic. ouh. english is back. i need to beef up and really strike a goal for my english. teach me anyone? phew. okay. 10 minutes left. what to talk? nothing. just good luck on my first day of school and all the best. cannot depend on luck only. just be yourself ayu. ((((: smile will always cherish things up. haha. toodles all. happy schooling. : D

hey.. haha. a new me has arrived. okay. maybe new. but, hope its better right? i have a new hairstyle, bag and certainly not all part of me. not boyfriend of course! haha. never have one since years ago. pity me. haha. not now1 studies, and when there is one, then okay. green light. haha. guess what? i just read my cousin's blog an gosh, unexpected from my own brother. deeply disappointed but i didn't know anything! why isn't there anyone tell me? gosh. am i odd in here? sometimes, feel left-out. nevermind. i don't feel alright now. today, went out to shop for groceries, then, at the same time i got my bag. i bought one for school. guess what? when, we were on the way home, my mind went blank when i saw something on the bag itself. i was cheated! wah.. loud laughters filled up the car. my mum, dad and brother laughed at me! bullshit! i went completely blank and contemplated on what to do. then, my light bulb lit up. hopefuly the idea is good enough. not only that. after i applied that, still, worried. gosh. i don't know what to do. how is monday gonna be like. hmm. worries just keep on stacking. haiz. i'm having tummy cramps now. nope. not period. it was over a week ago. now! right now! no idea what to bring for school! argh! ayu! okay. enough. should i go in tomorrow? hmm. wanna catch transformers! argh. if this disc does not show a good and clear picture, i'm gonna get it at the movies. haha! lalalalalalala. i don't know what to write now. ouh yaa, days at here bored. not really. just quite. haha. unless i do something fun. hahaha! okay. i think i wanna do something else for awhile. hmm. i have 1 hour and 46 minutes left. taaa! more things happen, will update. if possible! and H1N1 sucks! really! don't you let us repeat for another year! we wanna take our O's and done. okay?! taas! (:

holiday seems a bore. two weeks staying at my far away house. nothing better to do but snore most of the times. i even occupied myself with homework and art. but its just not enough. haha. coming to cyber cafe i can rarely do. sleeping alone is like i do three to four times a week. gosh. i feel like an orphan without my parents here, though i have another two couple of parents in the house. haha. but its unlike the real, blood parents. not only that, the whole of my family members too. i feel neglected most of the times. haha. i wonder how is my brother - iwan. anyway, it is a lesson of being independent. okay, cool maybe? the good thing is i can do whatever i want in the room alone. jump around and sing as if its my concert or being a social model for a few hours or video myself like a play! haha. okay. the ideas just passed through my mind. however, i might just do it. huahuahua! okay. next stop, i just finished doing my maths online assignments. haha. i thought of just sleep at this time but thinking that i might just not have any time to go online, so i tagged along with these five guys - two brothers - shahrul & shahar, two cousins - raihan & aidil and aidil's friend, farid. they just wanna play game. well, i did my assignments okay. after that, home sweet home. you know, i stay here seems like nothing to do. okay.. wth. i'm doing something to my hair soon! I WANNA CUT MY HAIR LIKE MAGNETO - in X-men. haha. unable to describe but its ugly. blahblah. next, i miss. not that guy but my friends. i pity them when they texted me, i couldn't reply. haha. haiz. next, I HAVE GROWN FAT! sometimes, all these extra fats on me haunt me. i reminded myself a week ago before holiday, - to eat only a meal everyday. well, indeed, i did! i ate only once in a day. at night just light snacks. but, i sometimes can't afford to bear the starvation. no! have some thoughts for the poverty, ayu. tsktsk. okay. i hope someday, a friend or someone approaches me and say '' ayu! you have slim down! '' haha. the corners of my mouth will eventually grow wider. haha! but honest laa. don't give me high hopes. okay. next point, can someone just tell me what to do for another week of holiday??!! though my homework are done and art are mostly drawn, i still ought to grab papers and pencils and begin to write and draw. haiz. hahah. okay. ouh yaa! art camp - 11 & 12 june. okay, i managed to fininsh my last piece. when i looked back, i counted i have total 7 pages. but, planning to opt one out. and yaa. the camp was okay - for me, but not for some. some conflicts appeared and i didn't mean to interfere though i'm their friends. to be fair, i can only advice them. seriously. can we have peace for now and forever? i hope so. then, we were dismissed at 3pm on 12 june. i went home and kept having worries who gonna pick me up and also for the holiday to malacca the next day. it didn't turn out well. i couldn't get any souvenirs either. too bad. not to an end though. we went back home and i snored till next morning. haha. i could carry out my period days safely. apart from that, the art camp seemed to haunt me because i need pictures for first page. and most of them, i can hardly get. so, when i saw chickens, i tried my best to chase after them and even leaves. i took several close up on that. now my phone mostly fiiled with art stuffs. hahha! i am probably tired now. everyday, i wait for my phone to ring. at least some messages from the expected ones. but no. its okay. i have to go now. taa! takecare. and happy holidays! - not. :DD

hey, happy birthday 15th to my brother. no presents. sorry. saving up money for something. and yaa. yesterday night, pissed off again. he is starting it again. he deletes it everytime he receives a message from me. i don't wanna pop up another problem and this was what i said to his friend who seems to know on behalf.

'' ouh. i'm trying to be nice. but, no. getthis, he can fuck off. i just wanna be friends and in good terms with him. if he thinks i'm irritating, then fine. people like him, i shouldn't waste time on. he is acting immature. i thought he wants to be friends with me. but, if this is the way he wants to treat me, then fine. its even irritating dealing things with him. seriously. you should tell him this. really. i may be done with this. but i don't think so. ''

okay. i may be angry but i keep inside of me. WAIT! i shouldn't think of this. okayyyyyyyy! forget it. done. bye. need to do something. straight or curl? hmm. going malacca sooooon! right after camp. yay! okay. maybe, yay. fatigue of doing art and will go for holday. great. i need to go. taa! : D

alright. for whole two weeks, all O level students in my school eventualy have classes. and! all starts at 8am in the morning. just now, i woke up at 1.30am. fortunately, the school isn't far. haha. when  opened my eyes ad saw its like 7.28am, i said '' astaraghfirallah..'' and rushed, grabbed my towel and went for shower. i prayed hard that when i stepped out, tell me its just 7.35am. and yaa! thanks. i forgot that my breakfast i got ready yesterday was an apple in the fridge. i forgot to take it to school this morning. left me hungry the whole day. but not as worse as yesterday. that, i was really famished. haha. today, class ended at around 12.30pm. however, went for lunch with ju and haziqah. then, reached home at 2pm. around there. i slept after entertaining myself. woke up around 4pm. again, entertained myself, and my phone went off. no battery. i spent about an hour finding a place and determined to charge my phone. haiz. things get worse everyday. then, after i have already settle with my phone, a chaos came by. all were busy talking about stuffs to buy. so, i also joins in and got myself a chocolate oreo bubble tea with pearl. hmm. yumm! at the same time, went to the fridge and ate an apple. haha. long time never eat fruits. hmm. after that, i started with my homework, science. then walked around the house, watched others preparing dinner for themselves. my heart is pounding hard as if something is bothering me. i think its about him. again. haiyo. enough laa. why do all these problems never end my worries? ouh gosh. next stop. i'm now bored to the max. my phone keeps silent. i keep taking quizzes at facebook. bored liao. i only can wish. but nothing works though. even my wish for him. ... and more people. haha. alright. i am still waiting my friend. what is the update? haha. online quick! okay daa. anyway, all the best! really excited for you. ((: happy an...!! way, way advanced. :D

so far.. all the papers that i have checked through.. and i passed all! yayee for me! lalalalalalala! sing along wih me peeps! * we will we will ro... * - okay, enough. not to be tooo happy though. things might just turn to worse. or worst. brrrrrrr! choy! touch wood. and yaa. a day in school was freaking irrotating. things were really damn! on my nerves. impatience now. he veins might just explode. i need nurse! ouh cousin, thank you. haha. okay. i don't wanna talk about it. its damn - sorry - but fucking bullshit irritating hat made me the whole day mad. blame the matter on for making me to be way great in age. ouh.. wrinkles. no! teeth.. and teeth! come on dentist! you know what is a big great smile. yeah. alright. why does nonsense have to come nw. i need sleep. ouh doctor, i need sleep. i probably didn't have enough last
night. and never just now. and now! ouh.. yes! its my time. but! its damn hot! my whole body perspires. damn. haha. okay, little girl. you're schooling tomorrow. jolly-well save ur energy for the next day - malay revision [ 7.50am - 1.50pm ]. sometimes, i need more than a brain. wish that this brain has a slot in for memory cards for certain subjects. save space for the nonsensical parts. haha! :DDD
ayu now off to bed! muacks little darls. - some! haha.

olaa! today is 15th may. exams just ended. so, yayee! haha. okay. i need to type all this in five minutes! haha. faster! actually, nothing to talk about. but, just now, when i already finished my art paper, from 1015 - 1315, i saw him. after 1315. i wondered, why are they still there?  OKAY AYU! ENOUGH ABOUT HIM ALREADY! HE IS WAY OUT OF YOUR LIFE! yeah. that's the spirit. wait, i still wanna say sorry to him because, i have hurt him last time without me realising laa. and of course, karma happens. now its my turn. okay, i admit audaciously, he still here. okay nevermind! forget it. done. taa. actually.. its alright. i am done. should be. gosh. is talking to myself a hobby? haiz. depression. arghhhhhhhhh!

people! if you want me to link you up, please tell me your url through comment. any post will do. thanks! :)))

to: the guy.

if you happen to read this, i would be glad to let you know. you have finally stopped me. i am done. i know there are still others whom are in the worst situation rather than ours. guess what? you are fading away from my life now. i assume that is a good news to you, isn't it? haha. okay. anyway, we are friends. i just don't know why its hard though. are you that special to me? wait. more questions are wandering in my wet ware. haha. i wonder..
` why did you waste your first?
` why did you take such a long bloody time to say '' i just wanna be frinds with you. ''
` why the hell were you shy?
` why didn't you tell your friends or me that certain parts or things you don't like?
.
.
.
.
and the list goes on.
just 5Ws and 1H. i just didn't get enough of you. really. we weren't like friends or lovers or whatever, crushes? we weren't. really. ouh, i wish i didn't know you throughout my life. i'm having a love failure because of you. its stupid though. i just don't know what to say next. its a serious matter. please stop me if i happen to go back. you know, i contact your friend, most of the time was all because of you. the way you said.. '' erm.. but i don't like you. '' - its the first and last time i'm gonna hear it. another time you say that, a tight slap on your face. haha. as if. me? never. haha. but, i can try. why not? haha. okay. enough. can we like have this end already? okay. not we. i mean me? okay. can! haha! i'm done with you, mr A. (:

let's talk about my day today. i was the whole day in room, tried to do revision but this is just not my place to study. how would i bloody hell wish that i would be back at my own, 6 years home shell. i feel peace there with my little darlings. haiz. ouh yaa! i recently met boboy! awww. he has grown up! he is fat like me! lazybump! hee! i miss him. a lot! what's worse? ahboy! i miss him like superly hell! worse than that. i wonder wher could he be. i shouldn't have impetuously left or let him go like that. both were my the greatest and the bestest peers, companion, clique, colleagues, sons, bestfriends, brothers, dad, EVERYTHING! i just love you ahboy and boboy! really! well, proofs: i still remember you guys. i endless talking about you guys. and i can never fail to visit boboy if i happen to go there and get the letters. haiz. what a dread life you have boboy. i was damn sad to see you like that. i love you no matter what. more than the mr A. but sometimes, his was more. haha! okay. dad is just right behind me. haha. taa! :D:D:D